Browse Professor Quotes

I actually started the whole boy-band thing... and the grunge thing too. I lived in Seattle for a while.
—J. Owen McLeod, Modern Philosophy
I love the word Frisky. On one hand it reminds me of cat food and on the other, sex.
—Professor McGlone
It makes no fucking sense!
—yelled by Professor Stark in one of his odd moods in Physics 131
ALL LIFE IS GRASS! No, not that kind!!
—Screamed out by Dr. Waters in Bio 101 lecture
These Gears are from West Virgina, they only have one tooth
—Prof. Reid on his bad drawing skills
So what, you'd say, 'Fuck you, Mircea'?!?!
—Professor Rinehart, in reference to a student's comment that he disagreed with religious theorist Mircea Eliade.
Seriously, is there any movie you know where everything is happy?? . . . except porno films, I guess everyone ends up happy in those.
—Professor McGlone tryign to argue that we have a need for conflict
We're going to make our own policies and they can just go cry in their corners...the weak little bastards.
—Professor Barclay talking about Japanese American relations in History 249
I'd say you got about a 10 point IQ advantage over the eleven o'clock class.
—Prof. Stockton, Music 103, on the clapping abilities of his 1:15pm class
I flirted with communism, hell I'm a communist!
—Prof. Richard Sharpless, Latin America Seminar
I'd have sex with Ross Gay. . .and I'm a lesbian!
—An anonymous member of the Lafayette Community about Prof. Gay's good looks.
She supported him for many years, before she started hooking up with another composer. I mean connected with another composer. I forget how vocabulary has changed in the past 40 years.
—Prof Melin in Mus 102 explaining how Taichovsky lost financial support
They're not going to forclose on Texas.
—Professor Sanborn
It could be pull it out your butt and stick it up your nose!
—Professor Kimber, Math 351, describing a function
You can do a lot of things in a hammock, by the way...interesting things.
—Professor Sharpless, History 262
I could perhaps taste the desk.
—Professor Slat
Farts smell and they don't kill you.
—Prof. R. Walls, talking about chemophobia, VAST 227, The Green Revolution
Whoever designed The Universe did a really good job of making sure our formulas fit it...
—Prof Zulli, talking about Vector Fields occuring in nature...
Student: She's poly-amorous.
Professor: Who's Polly Amaras? I don't know her.
—Professor Megan Williams, a little confused about the meaning of poly-amorous.
The ultimate fate of the Universe will not be on the quiz...
—Professor Van Dyke, Vast 200, Computers and Society
Were you sent by Satan to test my faith!?
—Professor Barclay to Avi after he interupted him again
Pardon my French, but my semester is fucked up.
—Prof. Germanoski
...so I picked up one of those little fuckers, er- kids, and shook the hell outta him.
—Prof. Barclay, speaking on a time he was working with kids before Lafayette
My Spanish is so bad you couldn't call it broken.
—Prof. Carpenter
I don't wanna have to go Chang Kai-shek on you and throw you in a bamboo cage and feed you to the blood thirsty piranhas.
—Prof. Barclay
What is it to 'understand' something? I'll be dipped in shit if I know the answer to that one.
—Professor Owen McLeod, on one of the central themes of his discipline.
I'm getting a geomorph buzz here. I'm just sharing my buzz with you.
—Prof. Germanoski
If I could fly or if I had a jetpack, I could get you a better view of this river.
—Prof. Germanoski
Once you have these lines drawn in, it just becomes one big digitizer party.
—Prof. Germanoski
This is what I call a BAR: Big Ass River.
—Prof. Germanoski
Bush is in office, I can make up all kinds of words.
—Prof. Germanoski
The Russo-Japanese War was fought in Manchuria. Japan had an away game with Russia in someone else's backyard. Thats when you want an away game, during a war.
—Prof. Barclay
Have you ever baptised someone with a fire hose? Feng Yuxiang did!
—Prof. Barclay
[Yunan] is like the planet Hoth in the Empire Strikes Back. It's way the hell out in the middle of nowhere.
—Prof. Barclay
Well, if you get the spirit, just testify.
—Prof. Barclay on class participation, or lack thereof
Don't you think Li Peng was a piece of shit?
—Prof. Barclay
[Kang Youwei] was like a Confucian swinger dude.
—Prof. Barclay on rotating wives every year
Boy, what a bad name, this looks like a 2 letter fraternity house to me: T'zu-hsi.
—Prof. Barclay
You gotta be easy on those old farts, sometimes slow things down... I'll be an old fart someday.
—Prof. Barclay
Instead of neighborhood watch signs, these Boxer Rebels have guards on every corner with AKs to keep out foreigners.
—Prof. Barclay
I got my CD player back at my crib, so I go and sell my 8-track. It always skips in the middle of 'Stairway to Heaven', but the unsuspecting Chinese won't know its not part of the song.
—Prof. Barclay
The guy who wrote this is a dipstick, but I was able to find it on Yahoo! so it all can't be drunken rambling.
—Prof. Barclay
Is this on your handout?...... hello? somebody speak up.... can I get a witness here?
—Prof. Barclay
[Michelin Rubber] opened a plant here, granted they used slave labor, but you have to break a few eggs to make an omlette.
—Prof. Barclay
[Poland] was getting carved up like a Christmas turkey at this time.
—Prof. Barclay
The infiltration capacity due to urbanization has decreased since Adam and Eve were running around the Catskills.
—Prof. Germanoski, Geomorphology
Males are, by their nature, savages.
—Professor Dan Bauer, A&S 342, Theories of Society
They're just boobs for God's sake. Get a life!
—Professor Lennertz analyzing a Supreme Court ruling.
Drink More!
—John Mier, in Brussles, Belgium... yes talking about what you think.
I'm a sexy bastard! [with a very bold and romantic Spanish accent]
—Professor Lammerz, Executive Politics: impersonating Al Gore, who for some reason had a Spanish accent.
I was in the PhD program, so basically we were required to be geeks.
—Prof. Germanoski
Hi, Office Bob, I don't need any help... [That] Paperclip Bob, I just want to kill him.
—Prof. Barclay
I could mix this bookbag up, but thats not my bag... baby!
—Prof. Germanoski
Whoa! It's 9:46! We still have 4 minutes of class left... COOL!
—Prof Barclay
It's all about style points... you can take a monkey out on the ice with you during the closing ceremonies of the Olympics, you can carry your organ grinder too, yet the Bulgarian judge would still give you a zero if you don't have any style.
—Prof Barclay on the winter Olympics
...remember all that old China stuff in that other... ancient... China-something class I taught, I think.
—Prof Barclay
You have Qianlong's little boyfriend kinda guy running around the court with him hangning on his every word.
—Prof Barclay on Qianlong's rule in China
We had an epiphany... a collective 'Oh shit moment.
—Prof. Carpenter to a student.
Base saturation: How many people have a partner to dance with? If you're single you don't want to goto a base saturation dance because everybody's married.
—Prof. Germanoski
I'm like Nero giving the masses a little Chariot race.
—Prof Barclay on how his midterm is "gift" to us
You know you were a bad mother...you shut the booze cabinet...so I went to the medicine cabinet.
—Profressor Bogaert, Thermo II, in reference to drinking "rubbing alcohol" that was really acetone
If your world is Where can I park my Yak? Then Tibet is the place for you..... Of course if you're me, you're wondering where can I park the mothership, or my Impala as Chevy calls it.
—Prof. Barclay on Tibet
The U.S. constitution was printed on hemp, man--!
—Prof. Barclay while "high"
Things that smell like feces are things we try to ignore.
—Doctor Allan, talking about reinforcement.
...that makes a new Russel Crowe silicate and then he leaves, but Meg Ryan ion will find another stable relationship.
—Prof Germanoski on chemical weathering
Where are those late people?? Screw You!
—Prof Barclay remarking on the tardiness of his 9am class
This is great! I want to pass out a hat and send the money to Somalia.
—Prof Barclay talking about how well the students were involved in today's in-class discussions
[The Japanese] just beat the Russians. They are the Mack-Daddies of East Asia at this time.
—Professor Barclay
Smectites are your friends..... ok, so they are not always your friends when they fill with with water, expand, and ruin your $700,000 house.
—Professor Germanoski on clay minerals
Next time you see a kid from Lehigh, kick the shit out of him!
—Professor Weiner, History 228 Talking about Futurist ideals during World War I.
I should be like Bush. I should get a job as a spin doctor and make it all sound good.
—Prof Germanoski
Anyone who hangs out with Sameer is inspector gadget by association. [He] is like the professor on 'Gilligan's Island', give him a coconut and he can make a ham radio.
—Prof. Barclay
I'm the professor! let me talk!
—Professor Barclay Hist 106, screaming and jumping up and down after Avi had interupted him for the 10th time
Next time you see a kid from Lehigh, kick the shit out of him!
—Professor Weiner, History 228 Talking about Futurist ideals during World War I.
Galileo...... yeah he was a freak.
—Prof. Barclay
Guess how much I paid for this suit?
—Professor Jackson, History 366: The rise of the American West
I get here at 9 in the morning and after this class, when I go home, it's Miller time.
—Professor Barclay, Hist 106, on what he's going to do when our evening class gets out
Well he didn't have to leave with the block.
—Prof. E. Van Gulick, referring to a hungover student that had thrown up in his hands while in the process of adding his block to the gothic structure in the front of the classroom
In the long run we are all dead, so enjoy life while you can.
—Professor DeVault, on why we should hurry finishing our labs (he wanted to go next door and eat pizza.)
Does anyone know what a capital letter is?
—Professor at Huron, study abroad program, who WAS being serious
Collins: Does anybody have any questions?
Dan: Where'd you get that shirt?
—_professor Colins and a student... ok not exactly a prof quote but still golden.
Oh wait this must be yours, the writing is all scribbly, it's in that wierd blue ink and the score is low.
—Professor Gordon, finding the owner of a no name quiz.
Do you guys want sex in small groups, or shall we do this all together?
—Professor McMahon (WS 250-Gender & Science), in an effort to form an acceptable forum for discussion about that day's topic at hand, sex.
...it is now a function involving z(t) ...hmmm - pasta
—Prof. Derek Smith, Calc III
I feel like a big piece of shit... the squishy kind.
—Professor Truten, English 235, while discussing his unsuccessful attempts to help a failing student.
Student: This is a proof, right?
Professor: Yes... I don't like the implication there, which is 'wake me when it's over'
—Professor Yuster, Differential Equations (Math 264)
So there he is, this little piece of shit, you know, and you can kind of imagine it, this little piece of shit, and he's being kicked around.....like a litle piece of, you know, shit....
—Professor Pribic, CL 161, Russian Lit, in reference to the significance of Akaky Akakyevich's name and position in Nicholai Gogol's "The Overcoat".
Feldspars are happenin' man!
—Professor Hovis
Did I not teach you for a whole day?!?
—Professor Handy, after her 1:10 section of Financial Accounting stared at her blankly during the exam review.
Are you laughing at me because I am a limpy lou?
—Prof. Allan asking why the entire class was laughing histerically at him.
It smacks of teleology!
—Professor Allan don't ask.
It's the fucked-up principle. Beds are laid flat and then they get fucked up, also known as the principle of original horizontality.
—Prof. Malinconico
Damn, I forgot to bring the world with me today.
—Prof. Hovis, Geo100
The streets were all shitty with the horses standing there and everything.
—Professor Zimmerman - English 110 talking about the slums of NYC.
They didn't give a shit about the Pope.
—Professor Fix, History 222
He was not the first person to get caught with his pen in the company ink.
—Prof. Barclay, History 106, on Hong Xiuquan's promiscuity with his concubines despite following the Bible
Let's say...Let's say you're at a pie eating contest, let's say you're a judge, a nibble of the crust just isn't enough, a bite of the crust is a must...
—Prof. Derek Smith when trying to think of a math example breaks out into a song his 8mo. old listens to a lot.
It's called as 'The Seismograph Drum Turns', starring Rock Hard. It would be a good geology soap opera.
—Prof. Hovis talking about his newly made up soap opera, but sounding more like a porno movie.
The Army is like marriage, everybody should have the experience, but it's nothing to make a career out of.
—Prof. Fix
Sex is wonderful. It's one of the few free forms of entertainment.
—Professor Byrd discussing the role of woman being equal to man, Women's Studies 101

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